You Know You Play Too Much Poker When …

• … you go to bed when the rest of your familiy wakes up.
• … it’s been about 24 hours since you told yourself “Just one more round and then I’ll get some sleep”.
• … you look at the prices at your local food store and compares them with big bets/big blinds.
• … you’re stacking up your money on the counter and pushing them over to the lady while you mumble “all in”.
• … you name your kids after your favorite poker players.
• … you only sit down and watch a movie with your girlfriend instead of poker because you think it’s +EV for you in the long run.
• … the only reason you go to your in-law’s for christmas is because they live closer to the casino.
• … you have a poker chip in your pocket while you read this.
• … you had to check your pocket at det last point.

Poker jokes

Looking for some funny poker jokes? Well, here you go!

What is the difference between a large pizza and a professional poker player?
The large pizza can feed a family of four.

What is the difference between a poker player and a dog?
After 10 years the dog will stop whining.

Some cowboys were playing poker in an Old West saloon. One of them laid down the winning hand, and another jumped up, yelling, “He’s cheatin! He aint playin the cards I dealt him!”

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance.
“This is a very smart dog.”, the man commented.
“Not so smart,” said one of the players. “every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”

Sitting down to dinner one night with his wife a doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
“We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, there are three doctors there already!”

A man joins gambler’s anonymous. He was given three-to-one odds he won’t make it.

Premier League Round 26

1 Manchester United 25 18 5 2 44 - 10 +34 59
2 Liverpool 25 15 9 1 42 - 17 +25 54
3 Aston Villa 25 15 6 4 40 - 24 +16 51
4 Chelsea 25 14 7 4 44 - 15 +29 49
5 Arsenal 25 12 8 5 38 - 25 +13 44
6 Everton 25 11 7 7 34 - 28 +6 40
7 Wigan Athletic 25 9 7 9 26 - 24 +2 34
8 West Ham 25 9 6 10 31 - 32 -1 33
9 Manchester City 25 9 4 12 42 - 34 +8 31
10 Fulham 24 7 9 8 22 - 22 0 30
11 Sunderland 25 8 6 11 27 - 33 -6 30
12 Hull City 25 7 8 10 31 - 46 -15 29
13 Newcastle United 25 6 9 10 33 - 42 -9 27
14 Bolton 25 8 3 14 27 - 37 -10 27
15 Portsmouth 25 7 6 12 27 - 41 -14 27
16 Tottenham 25 6 7 12 26 - 31 -5 25
17 Stoke City 25 6 6 13 21 - 40 -19 24
18 Blackburn 24 5 8 11 27 - 40 -13 23
19 Middlesbrough 25 5 7 13 18 - 36 -18 22
20 West Bromwich 25 6 4 15 24 - 47 -23 22

2009-02-21 Aston Villa - Chelsea
A difficult match, Aston Villa (3rd place) very strong this season and faces Chelsea (4th) here. Aston Villa 5-6-1 at home, Chelsea 8-2-2 away. A draw maybe?

2009-02-21 Arsenal - Sunderland
Arsenal at 5th place, Sunderland at 11th. Arsenal 7-3-2 at home, Sunderland 3-4-5 away. Looks like a decent win for Arsenal. (And they really need the points to stay in the fight).

2009-02-21 Bolton - West Ham
A typical draw I guess, but with Bolton only 3 draws this season it could be a bit risky. West Ham without their top scorer this season, Carlton Cole (injury). Dean Ashton, another West Ham striker, is ruled out for the rest of the season because of injury. Bolton were run over by Everton last match, and need to improve their play dramatically to get some points here.

2009-02-21 Middlesbrough - Wigan Athletic
Middlesbrough struggling at the bottom, with 3-5-4 at home. Wigan 3-3-6 away, and with 6 points up to Everton and 10 to Arsenal they really need this win. Boro need it too, as they are fighting for survival. Tough match, and difficult to predict. Maybe a draw here too?

2009-02-21 Stoke City - Portsmouth
Stoke 6-3-3 at home, Portsmouth 2-4-6 away. Stoke only 3 points behind Portsmouth, and both teams are desperate to get up from the bottom 6. Stoke relatively strong at home and Portsmouth poor away, looks like a decent win for Stoke, but no high stakes here.

2009-02-21 Manchester United - Blackburn
An almost must-win for Manchester United, as Blackburn haven’t found themselves this season. Liverpool 5 points behind United, and therefore they can’t waste any points here. United 11-1-0 at home, Blackburn 2-4-5 away.

2009-02-22 Fulham - West Bromwich
Fulham strong home team with 7-3-1 and only 9 goals the wrong way at home. West Bromwich are struggling at the very bottom at the moment and away they have poor 1-2-9. Looks like a home win for me.

2009-02-22 Liverpool - Manchester City
Liverpool chasing Manchester United for the league title, and haven’t lost at home yet (7-5-0). Facing Manchester City (1-4-7 away) should be a easy match. But wait and see FCK - Man City tonight before you decide. Richard Dunne and Robinho is back for City, but will miss Wright-Phillips against Liverpool.

2009-02-22 Newcastle United - Everton
Newcastle with 4-5-3 at home faces a strong Everton team (7-2-3 away) here. Everton ran over Bolton last match, and new signing Jo is in great shape. Tough one for the home team, but with Mark Viduka, Obafemi Martins and Alan Smith all back to this match Newcastle can have a decent chance here. I will stay away.

2009-02-23 Hull City - Tottenham
Hull with 3-3-6 at home, Tottenham 2-2-8 away. Both teams are struggling this season, and this is a difficult match to predict. If any, I would go for OVER 2.5 goals or something.

Place your bets at

The Greatest Hits Of Poker

Are you one of them who loves to listen to some music when you play poker? Here’s the playlist for you!

• Poker Face - Lady Gaga
• The Gambler - Kenny Rogers
• Crazy Game of Poker - O.A.R.
• Aces high - Iron Maiden
• The winner takes it all - ABBA
• Fish - Ghostface Killah
• Cry me a River - Justin Timberlake
• Chase the Ace - AC/DC
• Deuces are wild - Aerosmith
• High Rollers - Ice-T
• You Played Yourself - Ice-T
• Money - Pink Floyd
• Easy Money - Billy Joel
• The Ace Of Spades - Motorhead
• The River - Bruce Springsteen
• The Hippest Flop - A.C.T.
• Pot of gold - Akon
• Lay down Sally - Eric Clapton
• I just Call - Stevie Wonder
• Flush - Motley Crue

What do you think?

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